Monday | July 21, 2008

KENORA DAY (*SHIMMY!*)!!!!

Seeing that I cannot seem to tease my Winnipeg friends into another outing, where we descend upon some unsuspecting town or borough, and proceed to fill it with desperately compressed glee, whether they want us to or not, I decided to have my own outing...and so today, I had a KENORA DAY (*SHIMMY!*).  The shimmy is there because one has to actually shimmy while saying this, and grin at the same time.  It is kind of like walking and chewing gum at the same time, or something even harder for me, walking and talking at the same time, as I seem to end up face first into brick walls or telephone posts!

Actually, I had a most interesting trip.  I think the trip for more eventful than the actual BEING in Kenora, even though I did meet up with a very good friend and we had coffee and chatted for a while.  It seemed to me that everytime I drive out of Winnipeg, all the bugs come out of their respective bogs and oraphaces ro descend upon my windshield!!!!  AH!  The sight of BUZZKILL to brighten a Sunday afternoon stroll!!! I cannot speak for anyone else, but I seem to attract these desperate creatures, who have such a desperate death wish as to fling their corpi unto my windshield at high speed!  Everyone else on the freeway was happily moving along, and I kept having to drain my windshield washer fluid to keep being able to see where I was going!  They are out to get me the little BUGgers!!!

When I actually GOT to Kenora, I parked by the Safeway where I met my friend.  As I was heading into the building, I saw the front of my rented car.  It was like a graveyard for bugs!  Three dragonflies looked like they were trying to sabbotage my engine by wedging themselves into the car's grill!!!  There they were, wings and all sticking out of the grill, dead!  I have never seen so many fly guts in my life!!!

Aftetr my visit, I headed BACH to Winnipeg, and, like earlier on in the day, SPLAT, SPLAT, SPLAT!!!!  One after the other, they hurled themselves to their death upon my windshield, guts and all!  When I finally made it into Winnipeg, I went straight to the carwash!  Even though I had to pee so badly, that HAD to wait! 

So other than the great time I had with my friend, the main highlight for me on this trip was the vendetta that played itself out to the guey end, and the revenge I got to inflict by the power of the touchless high velocity spray of the wash!  So what's next?  I am sure that tonight I might be haunted by the ghosts of these six-legged and winged little beasts!!!

Moi


Posted by Paulie Wallie at 04:00:33 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Saturday | July 19, 2008

No children (or teachers!) were EATEN in the making of this recording!

This past week has been interesting!  I am sure you have read about it in the past two blogs, but I just have to reiterate!  I can assure you that no children (or teachers!) were eaten in the making of this part of the album!  We had a few challenging moments where we did some great takes and the kids came and ruined it with the sounds of their screaming voices, climpering feet up and down the stairs, or, just general rebellion.

There were moments when, looking into the faces of these little...ANGELS (BLESS THEM!) one could clearly see who had the power in that moment.  They thought they were in control!  And I think they enjoyed that. For a while at least.  It always seemed that they always knew when we were about to make headway on a piece.  And then, right on cue, they would ruin it.  I think they desperately wanted to be in the album one way or another.  A ramdom children's chorus of uncooth vocal utternaces!!!

I did not know which was funnier.  The fact that they would see me storming around the corner and try to quiet each other down, or that in the process of quieting each other down, they would make MORE noise, for a longer time.  At one point, Ralph, my producer, had just about had it and was looking to see in there was a beebee gun lying around.  I still think that the gaggle of Sandanavian nuns was the ticket.  And if there isn't a convent nearby, there is always duct tape!  But NO!  No one listens to me.  Even Rossweise was beginning to lose it after a while!  And speaking of Rossweise, she amazed us both with her stamina and her desperate professionalism!!  For a little lady who is desperately pregnant, and soon to gleefully descend upon some unsuspecting birthing stool, she was amazing!!  Yes you are DAHLINKS!!!!  Even your sarcasm was cute!  And she even came to the first session wearing...PIGGIES!!!!

The MOST interesting moment of the week was when Ralph went again to get the kids to be quiet as we were about to re-take a piece.  He opened the door and spoke to the kids, and saw two teachers standing there in FACING the signs in RED saying, "PLEASE BE QUIET! RECORDING IN PROGRESS!" and talking even louder than the kids!!  It is at THAT point we realised who and what we were dealing with!  I talked with one of the the teachers about the noise problem and she just looked at me with a horrified expression as in, how in the world was she going to accomplish keeping them quiet.  My how times have changed!!

But now we are done, and I can safely say that we did so without any incidents.  A very interesting journey I have gotten myself into, but I know that He (God) who has started a good work, is faithful to complete it in me.

Moi


Posted by Paulie Wallie at 16:10:18 | Permanent Link | Comments (1) |

Thursday | July 17, 2008

Recording in Whiney-PEG!

So, now I am in Winninpeg (a.k.a Whiney-PEG), and I am in the middle of part one of the recording process for my first album.  I am having a wonderful time, and we are actually as of today, ahead of schedule.  However, there is a down side to all of this.  They come in the form of wonderful little human beings called...CHILDREN!!!  Now I know that everyone will say that I was a child at one point so I am to give them a break!  Well... let me think about that for a sec........NO!!!!

I was first of all told that the building would be virtually empty.  I should have known that the word "virtually" is really where all the mischief lies!  For in that same said word, lies of herd of squealing, out-of-control girlies, and rough-and-tumble boyzies scurrying about aimlessly and being where they ought not to be! Now do not get me wrong.  I love kids!  I am quite the little kid at heart.  I think they are wonderful, adorable, teachable, and otherwise good little people...particularly when they sleep!

I am on day two of the process and, I think I can speak for the rest of the people on my team (Rossweise being one of them), we have just about HAD IT with the ADORBALE little DISASTERS!!!  Let me explain:

We were near the end of a great 'take' in the sanctuary, where we are recording yesterday.  After singing "Spring Waters" by Rachmaninoff in F-major and doing it at least thrice, I would have sung a high C at least six times that day!  We were on the third take which was going SO WELL, and then, just as the last piano bits were being played, and the sound was ringing through the sanctuary, in screams little Hildegarde (or Beullah-Leigh), with lungs of steel!  And seeing that she screamed, it started a chain reaction of screams, which of course, was all caught on tape!  After having this happen a number of times, I lost it! I marched out of the sanctuary and proceeded to SCARE some kids senseless by giving them a good piece of my mind!!!  When I was done with them, the three of them just stood there, frozen, not knowing what to do.  Eventually their legs eventually told them to run away, and then, the rest of their bodies followed suit!  I thought they got the point. Well, that was until a new set showed up today!

And today, I had to do the same thing, but this time, I was a lot nicer.  After asking them to move to another location, one of them decided to do her impersonation of Shenaye-naye!!!  She walked off, snapping her fingers with the biggest attitude (and neck-swivel) I think I have seen in a long time! 

So, today, my producer and I have agreed that to solve this problem, we have three choices:

1.   Feed them to a gaggle of Scandanavian nuns who will make them sing "Cum-ba-yah" all day long,

2.   Give them a dose (or seven!) of Queen Aggravain's potion of opium and warm milk, or,

3.   Threaten to force-feed them raw bean sprouts if they disturb us agian!

Personally, I like the first option! 

So there you have it.  My life never seems to get boring.  But even in the midst of all of this AGGRAVAI-tion, the Lord is carrying us through it and we are accomplishing much! 

More to come later!

Moi





Posted by Paulie Wallie at 04:14:58 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Want to know what I think?

I think that...
  • people should be open to the idea of wearing piggies at least once in their lives!
  • trees are overgrown forms of vegetables, but they look nice as decoration
  • one form of capitol punishment should include someone being tickled into submission
  • Winnipeggers have the highest cannibal ratings in the world, and I can prove it!
  • we should all just...get along already!
  • mommies smell great always
  • younger siblings are expendible
  • rabbits, deer, pigs and goats should never be raised as pets.  They are FOOD!
  • Cleopas and Jeanette should attend a Star Wars convention, adorned with buns and sabers.
  • Melvin is really out to get me!
  • Mitzie Frappuchino (nee Meltfinger) is wonderful! 
  • Rita will wear piggies at least once, even if it means under duress!
  • the answer to the world's crises lies in a simple toilet.  You can flush all the crap down it!
  • you are all insane for thinking that I am
  • I am still too young and way too cute to be eaten!
  • some people only respond to being chased with a live cattleprod
  • Lulu is secretly and desperately DYING for a Java-I.V.!
  • Helga has forgotten me (hint hint hint!)
  • Bundt cakes are still the best things on earth!
  • Helga wants desperately to make me a Bundt cake (not trying to drop ANY hints anywhere!)
  • recording music, and children screaming for NO REASON WHATSOEVER is enough to make me want to feed them to a gaggle of German nuns for a month!!!!
There!  So now you know what I am thinking.  Stay tuned for more Factoid Tuesdays, coming soon!

Moi

Posted by Paulie Wallie at 03:44:45 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Wednesday | July 09, 2008

Where I am now...

So now, I am at an impass.  School is done and I am now again on my own.  When Iwas in school at least I had the comfort of knowing that, gig, or no gig, I had lots to do.  Now, it is time for me to wing it in faith, and work as hard as I can in the process.

I have not been blogging much because I have not gotten much encouragement from my readers.  I know I said that it di dnot matter to me if you read and commented or not, but it really does!  Just had to fling that in there!

So now, I am T-minus 5 days to the actual recording process.  I am scared out of my wits but I am ready to do this.  So this week I have been zwiddling my hamhocks desperately hither and thither (also, so as to keep from being eaten, as that temptation seems to be most prevalent in Winnnpeg) to get ready.  Which reminds me, I have not seen Lulu in a while!  I wonder what she is up to.  I wonder how her anti-java campaign is going. 

So, guess what is happening this weekend???????????????  We are going to RETREAT!! RETREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2008!
Yes!  We are going to go roughing it in the woods, flailing desperately to kill the bugs, zwiddling desperately through wood and brush, and sleeping on the ground like a bunch of wreckless rebels with causes!  AND, someone in that bunch is going to be the victim of piggietails in the hair!!!!  So my main task is to again avoid being a menu item again!

Being BACH in Winnipeg has been wonderful for me so far.  It is a good change of pace from Toronto, and it is wondeful to be among friends, to catch up with them, and see where they are in life, and also just to BE here.  This is a very special place to me.

Oh yes!  I simply REFUSE to be the victim of the water war this year!  I am going on a mutiny!  And that is all I have to say about that!

Moi
Posted by Paulie Wallie at 13:52:19 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Monday | May 26, 2008

Reflections...

It is that time of year for me again.  It is the time when I begin to reflect over times past, and get a little teary-eyed as I remember God's faithfulness to me over the course of my life thus far.

It is coming up on two years since I moved to Toronto...four since I came to Canada!  One night as I was out with a friend watching the premier of Prince Caspian (an EXCELLENT movie!), she was giving me a ride home, and she happened to take the same route that I remember being taken down when I had first arrived for my new life in Toronto.  I remembered the landmarks, the lights, and most of all, the feelings of fear and fright that took over me that night!  I remember when I was leaving Winnipeg, my flight was two hours late.  When I finally arrived in Toronto, a very gracious lady agreed to pick me up and give me a ride to where I would stay for a few weeks until I got situated. Going down these various roads, I remember wondering to myself how long I would last in this city.  I literally came to this city with only $40.00 in my pocket!  How in the world was I going to be able to afford to live here??

Well, almost two years have passed since that night, and as I went down those same streets, I could not help but smile.  The reality is that God has taken me through SO MUCH and has provided for me in immense ways!  I came into a city where I was at the mercy and the kindness of people, and now, I have my own leased apartment, and have room for people to come visit!  No I did NOT hit the jackpot! I came into God's blessings.  All this time as I struggled and worked, and lived in the homes of others, the Lord God was preparing this place that I am in now, just for MOI!!!! And now that Opera School is over for me, what next?  Well, I am getting a work permit currently, and I am going to be auditioning as much as is possible.

You know, the scripture that sits in the EXACT middle of the Bible says something to the effect of, "It is better to put your trust in God than in man..."  And this is a lesson I continue to learn as I get older.  This is a city that will eat you alive, but I serve the God of Gods, who is keeping me and making a path for me to follow...and keeps me out of cauldrons!!!! 

Speaking of caulrdons, I was walking home today and noticed that whenever the sun comes out in its brightest state, that is when people get a desperate affinity for wearing pigtails!!!  All I have to say about that is, "YOU GO WITH YOUR BAD SELVES!!!"

So, summer is just about to burst here, and the summer fashions are already in full swing.  I have so far seen my fair share of pale, veiny legs zwiddling about desperately hither and thither on the streets!  I just want to tie them to a lounge chair and bake them, and then flip them over with a giant spatula after a while to make sure they get an even coat of sun.  The rollerblades are out in full skate, and so are the mini-frocks!  One thing is for certain:  Nothing really surprises me anymore at this or any time of the year in Canada!
Posted by Paulie Wallie at 16:48:41 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Monday | April 14, 2008

Hippos are SOOOOO Five Minutes Ago!

I remember some time ago expressing a desperate desire to have a hippopotamus for Christmas, named George. Well, lately I have discovered that this fad has passed, and it is no longer fashionable to lug around a beheamoth on a leash. So now, in lieu of George, I want a DROMEDARY!!! Yeah, and I want to name her GERALDINE!

Now I know what you are asking: Why the heck do I want a dromedary?? Well here are soem valid (at least to me they are) reasons:

I was once told by a soprano friend of mine, Sally Ingforth, that passion in a dromedary doesn't go so deep. I beg to differ. I have since discovered that dromedaries are very emotional creatures that have very divaesque tendencies. For example, it has a way of just standing there, with a look of eternal indigestion on its face when around humans. It has the uncanny ability to "cut the cheese" and make it look like its owner did it. Unfortunately, some dromedaries have killed their owners because they were standing on the wrong end when that happened. They'd just turn green and die from poisonous gas exposure.

I had mentioned that they are very emotional creatures. If an owners hurts its feelings, dromedaries don't just sit their chewing and spitting like their cousins, the camels do. They actually fling themselves on the ground and cry, beating their two-toed hooves into the ground in desperate protest at the injustice they have just experienced.

Oh yes. NEVER make faces at a dromedary!!! For they are vengeful creatures who will, as soon as you turn around, makes faces right back at you. Everyone else will see their antics, like dissappearing in a puff of smoke and returning in a pink tu-tu, (this all happens in a split second) while flitting around on point, use their hooves to spread their mouthes open really wide and stick their tongues out at you, and as soon as you turn around, they poof back into their usual bored/constipated look.

Dromedaries, unlike hippos, do not go around knocking things over with their bulk. Most of their body fat in stored in their one hump on their backs, (camels have two humps!) and they feed once every few weeks. They can walk for long distances and do not have too much opposition to humans sitting on their backs. All George is good for is swimming!

So, if Santa reads this blog, now you know what I want for Christmas this year. I do not want a watergun, or a pogo stick. I do not want ao beanie or a pet boa constrictor on a leash. I want a dromedary...and I want one in yellow!

Moi
Posted by Paulie Wallie at 14:20:44 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Tuesday | March 04, 2008

I came, I saw, I conquered...and all before bedtime!

It was so much fun sneaking up on Winnipeg last week.  I came into Winnipeg, under the cover of early evening, on point, and Winnipeg did not know what hit it!  I grabbed the city by the pigtails and proceeded to shock the living daylights out of just about everybody!!!

I derived desperate pleasure out of seeing the looks of consternation/constipation/shock/disbelief/glee...and spontaneous pigtails by some, as I whisked (and thisked) my way through the music building. And to make sure I was not outdone by anyone, I made sure to be fitted with whisks MY SIZE!  Cleopas...?

So, what did I do all week?  Well, I burst into Eva Clare Hall (bosoms first of course) and made a surprise visit to three friends who were about to give a major concert.  I have since heard about said concert that it went very well!  Oh the looks on their faces when they saw me:  PRICELESS!!!  Then, I thisked my way over to the library where I learned a scary thing.  Lulu is OFF COFFEE!!!!!  I still cannot believe it, because I know that without that java fix, she turns into the WARE-LULU, who eats nymphs and shepherds (with their bad $2.99 perma-nama-nama-nama-nenents!) and chunks out of the library walls!  I wonder how she is doing.  My guess is either some really good therapy, or they have come out with a new java patch of some sort.

And then, there was Mr. MacSprechenzuviel!  It was so good to see him again!  It is amazing to me that the more things change, the more they remain the same.  And he has not changed one bit.  Still the loveable, elloquent, shrewd teacher I have always known him to be.  He was gracious enough to give me a couple of lessons, and he even MADE me teach a couple of them.

From there, I zwiddled desperately to the University Centre where I accosted the salon and raided them of their shampoo!!!!  Boy's gotta look good you know...and then I took the boys out for lunch.  They all accused me of only coming to Winnipeg to buy shampoo.  Casper, my ever faithful friend, told me I was not allowed to whine to get the shampoo.  I did anyway.  It actually brought the shampoo order faster, and I got a free one out of it too.  So you see, whining does come in handy!

And then I ran into Miss Twigglesworth!!!  It was so good to see her again!  Yes, I am in my right mind!  She looked great and I get the feeling that seeing that I am an alumus of the programme, there is a level of respect I get from her, which I did not get before when I was studying there.

Later on in the week, I went bowling with my friends.  Cleopas, Jeanette, Patrick, Mervin, Dieter, Anita, Kia, Rita, and her new piece of meat, Guenther!  He is quite the character, but the thing about him is that there is a genuine-ness I sence from him, so I think he is a good guy (he'd better be, or else I'll have to hurt him!).

But alas, my time ran oh so short, and it was time for me to flit gracefully BACH to TO.  So now that I am BACH, my nose is right where it needs to be right now...at a grinding stone!

Moi
Posted by Paulie Wallie at 17:58:06 | Permanent Link | Comments (2) |

Tuesday | February 12, 2008

Just in case you didn't know it...

Here are seven factoids I have learned about living in Toronto in February:

1. It is the coldest time of the year, and my most favourite,

2. People are a lot grumpier this month than in any other month, and this is characterized by the looks of murder people seem to give me when I am rejoicing loudly at how cold it is and how much I like it!

3. A time when people rarely wear pigtails (but what would I know about that?).

4. Snowdays are most likely to happen in this month, and they are lots of guilt-free fun!

5. Falling snowflakes are edible; the snow already on the ground isn't!

6. There are three types of gloom people seem to experience: contagious (i.e. they catch it from others), constipated (i.e. too frustrated to let it out), and blatant sobbing (i.e. standing in one spot with your feet turned in, and crying out loud, yelling for mommy and for the snow to stop falling).

7. It is the time of year when people make the WORST possible choices in attire (i.e. wearing a tube top under a sweater and low rise jeans when it is -15C and it so obvious that you are freezing every which way, but are determined to be fashionable, even at the risk of hypothermia).
Posted by Paulie Wallie at 18:38:49 | Permanent Link | Comments (1) |

Monday | February 04, 2008

I'm up to NO GOOD!

What could I possibly be up to? I am sure that many of you are wondering the same thing. Somebody asked me two days ago if I was going to be giving up chocolate for Lent, and I replied by giving them a bass chuckle. I have downgraded to bass chuckles because people hardly expect such sounds to come from such an innocent face like the one on yours truly!

There is a certain place which will be getting a visit from...a certain person, though he is very much tight-lipped as to when (I know you all know where!). Why is this person doing this? Well, all I know is, it is being called a surprise attack. How do I know all of this? Because I am an expert sleuth, who can smell BUNDT CAKE from far away! And speaking of Bundt cakes, I just found out what kind of fabric softener I like to use! Yes. I am now into dryer sheets!!!

Last Friday, I had my first experience (ever) with a phenomenon you all call SNOW DAY! I had never in my life experienced this, and I must say, it is rather exciting! I came bursting desperately into school at 6:32AM, just as the snow was gently falling, only to hear a few hours later that the school was closing down on account of the great snow storm which swept accross Toronto and its facsimile surrounding areas. Now here is where I wish I had taken my friend Petunia's advice and bought a snorkel!!!! I was desperately, and gleefully mark you, zwiddling through the snow, snow dust kicking up in my wake, only to encounter huge snow banks, which required some chiselling to get through them. And I also finally figured out where yellow snow comes from! Yes! I finally caught the golden syrup fairy in action, pouring globs of golden syrup into piles of snow, and then, flit away!!! I saw all of this of course after I was nearly hit on the head by a falling icycle!

There is one person so far that knows of the impending attack, other than me of course, and SHE is not talking! TEN THOUSAND WHITE HORSES COULD NOT DRAG IT FROM HER!!! And it is NOT Jeanette!!!  So do not try to figure it out. And, I am not telling either, so do not ask. I know that Jeanette will be starting her prying techniques soon, and I am lookign forward to it!  Let's put it this way:  Seeing that you all are there, and I am here, you cannot hold me down and threaten me with good chocolate. And speaking of chocolate, I have to go now as I have a lesson with the great Carol Vaness today! So now, I have to go find a book on how to be a grown-up...for DUMMIES!

Moi
Posted by Paulie Wallie at 16:19:43 | Permanent Link | Comments (1) |