Paul’s “G”odiva Spot

Here are seven factoids that I learned when I was 7:

1) Goats make terrible pets because they taste great when curried and cooked!!

2) Wearing pink and navy blue is liable to attract unwanted attention

3) Teachers are fanged monsters who are skilled in 501 ways of slow torture

4) Decorative candles are not martial arts weapons (e-mail me more details!)

5) Playing in mud is fun, and a sure way to keep parents at a distance!

6) Knees really cannot talk and do not have minds of their own

7) Ketchup tastes great on anything savoury.

The ever so FAB 5: Twiggy, Juniper, Jasmin, good ole’ rent-a-baritone Percy, and Desperately Yours’ Truly did indeed ROCK N’ ROLL last Saturday night, when we debuted with the Winnipeg Symphony Orchestra in the concert entitled, “Stories that Sing”. Beryll, our wonderful collaborative pianist was in attendance to watch her collaborative “babies” perform!  Yes, she was like a mother hen sitting nervously in the audience with her knitting needles and half-glasses, brooding over her chicks and listening to them squawk and flap about on stage!  We love you Beryll!!!

This evening was indeed fit for royalty!  My three ladies were done up to the hilt in gowns, pearls, baubles, tiaras, contact lenses, and all other forms of finery, as we made our grand entrances unto the stage. Yes, this night was ours!  I felt that electricity running through me right down to the tips of my toes, telling me again that I was born to do this!  OK!  I am exaggerating on the tiaras bit, but you get the idea…and we (Percy et moi) didn’t look too shabby either.

The evening began with moi (of course) bursting in chest first through the backstage doors almost two hours before the call!  There was a chalk board with our names on them telling us where our dressing rooms were.  Oh! What a thrill! I had a (shared) dressing room!!!  And my name of pasted unto the door!! As time passed the other members of the concert evening, including the rest of the FAB 5 came trapsing in.  Eventually, we all changed into our tuxes, gowns and tiaras, and all throughout the hallway, one could hear the sound of voices warming up with scales, roulades, trills, snorts, resonant squeals, and all other sorts of glorious and annoying phonations.

“THIS IS YOUR FIVE MINUTE CALL FOR BACKSTAGE.” When I heard this over the intercom, THAT was when the reality of this event sank in.  Well, it more like dropped in like a tonne of bricks!  We were all making all sorts of last minute suggestions for our entrances and exits, and who was to remember to stand where, how to avoid possible staging and wardrobe malfunctions, how we plan to give the grad lounge a make-over, etc. We listened from  our rooms to the performances of the other artists, and were just dumb-struck that we were even allowed to sing on the same programme with them!

After a brief internission, it was SHOWTIME for us!  We, got into character, followed the conductor onstage and sang!  To me, it seemed like time stood still when we were out there, and when it was over, it felt as if it were just a blink of an eye!  I remember feeling so comfortable on stage, and having a full orchestra backing us up was simply amazing! My collegues I know felt the same way.

AND, we got called for a second bow!!!!

At the end of the cencert, we were included in the final curtain call. We all were given champaigne flutes filled with bubbly, and we bowed and exited the stage where we toasted eachother to a simply FAB NIGHT!

Here’s to you all!!!  Beryll, thank you so much! We love you!!!!!!!!

Moi

I have the world’s MOST FAB collegues!

In my opera apprentice programme, I work with four ladies: 2 sopranos of different vocal colours, a mezzo-soprano, and a collaborative pianist.

As I talk about my collegues I have chosen to change their names for privacy purposes.

Let’s start with the sopranos!  I have ALWAYS had a soprano voice fixation.  I thought I should mention that, in case you didn’t know it.  Now I know that I will never BE a soprano, but I am not for a moment going to let that stand in my way!  So we begin with the one who comes to mind instantly!  Her (invented) name is Twiggy.  Now, I think that Twiggy was born into the wrong scenario. She should have been born into royalty!  She is one of the few people I know who has such an natural affinity for tiaras and septres! She is best known for explosions such as “oh sugarnuts!” or “oh fragglerock!” and I am sure you can guess what those are code for!  She is one of few sopranos I know who is as good and brilliant a singer as she is, and is still a very ‘down-to-earth’ yet no nonsense type of person.  Yes she is the “dude” and knows how to “rock n’ roll!”

The other soprano is Juniper.  She is what I like to call a “Brunnhilde-in-the-making” kind of soprano.  She really hates when I say that, but that is what I think.  Not only do I love her voice, but she is so passionate and focused about what she is doing and where she wants to go.  I think she looks ADORABLE in pigtails, though the only time I ever saw her in pigtails, her hair was rebelling all the way!  She and I have a special relationship where we can just go to eachother and talk, whine, cry, scream (with support of course), and other reasonable facsimiles thereof of getting stuff off of our chests!

Now we come to our GLORIOUS mezzo-soprano, Jasmin.  Now Jasmin is the only person I have ever come accross who says whatever is on her mind at any particular time.  Her most noted saying to date is “I don’t like your shoes…”.  I love her laugh!  I do things just to make her laugh, so that I can hear it.  It is something that I cannot describe, and it is unusual, but fun!  She compliments the sopranos so well with what I think is a powerful and confident mezzo-soprano voice, which goes down into the hinterlands with ease, and comes up into the high flying clouds when she wants.  MY favourite expression of hers is when she looks at me suspisciously and says, “I don’t know…”

And last, but not least in ANY way is our wonderful, powerful, tondu-stepping, graceful, confident, and desperately cute collaborative pianist, Beryll!  Now Beryll is the quintessential corn-fed, hay bale tossing, yet elegant diva, who demands respect.  I have been on the receiving end of her fist many times.  Last night, she forgave me for living, again, and tells me constantly to stop being a tenor (??). Anywho she is someone we love and respect and we could not do without her.  Just think!  The day might come when she will actually wear high heels!

So there are my ladies!

From time to time, our repertoire needs other voices, and so our rent-a-baritone is Percival.  Ah yes! Good ole’ Percy!! He is so reliable!  Whenever we need a baritone in a crunch, Percy comes through for us everytime.  The added benefit is that he has a great voice, and works really hard.  We had so much fun on tour last year when people were convinced that we were actually brothers.  All we had to do was smile, and the resemblance was there.

He recently became engaged to one of my soprano collegues who was in the opera programme last year.  Her name is Desiree and what a wonderful singer she is!!  He is as as happy as a frolicking piggy on a farm owned by strict vegetarians! Well, I was going to say as happy as a school girl in pigtails who was given too much chocolate, but even my mind has limits to what it can tolerate!

OK. That is it for now. 

More anon…

Moi

Yesterday, one of my friends here at the Faculty of Music confirmed one of my worst fears!  She said to me, and I quote, “Paul, I always love standing next to you because you always smell like cinnamon and baked goods!” So, I decided in the interest of what remains of my sanity to share with you my thoughts on this.

Now some of you, that I know of, have it in for me!  It has been expressed to me the desire to impale me with a spit rod, tie me to a stake and light me ablaze, or throw me on your home barbeque grill!  I shall endeavour to convince you that I am still not edible, but first, a true story.

In the summer of 2004 just before I came to Winnipeg, I was working for my father in Jamaica as his personal assistant.  One day I was working at the office, when a lady came in to see my father.  While she was waiting to see my father, she sat there glowering at me through those glasses that make your eyes look a thousand times bigger!  Needless to say that it made me increasingly uncomfortable.  Then, it happened! My father asked me to give her, along with his personal secretary a lift in the car.  While in the car, this lady sitting in the back seat said to me, “I want to eat you.  I want to take you home, and put you in my oven with seasoning and just eat you!!” Is this not disturbing to you??

Now, let us be frank with eachother. You really do not want to eat me.  I am tough and rubbery anyway and not very palatable.  Besides, I am not likely to hold still while someone is feverishly gnawing on my arm.  So if you are thinking of frying, broiling, roasting, broasting, shishkobobbing, stewing, burnishing, or seering me over any hot devices (or ANY other reasonable facsimiles thereof!) please please (*whine*) PLEASE DON’T EAT MEEEHEEEHEEEHEEHEEEHEEE!!!!

Thank you.

Moi.

Here are seven more interesting factoids I have learned in the last 24 hours:

1) Trees are very large and hardened Brussel Sprouts

2) I am convinced that chocolate is its own food group…

3) And something I seem to be having a constant deficiency in

4) Librarians fantasize about screaming like a banshee at work at least once

5) There are crisis centres for men who are beaten up by women…

6) AND WOMEN PIANISTS!!!

7) The only sure-fire cure for a bad hair day is a trip to the barber!

More to follow…

OK!  NOW that I have effortlessly gotten your attention, and seeing that you have read this far, you might as well just finish reading.

It is that time of year again.  For those of us who are students, even though we have just had a week off from school, A.K.A. Reading Week (which really is supposed to be a productive time of studying, learning, and catching up on homework…RIGHT!), it is that time where one has to really dig one’s heels in and settle in for the impending stress which awaits us at all corners.  It is called, the life of a student.  In a place where Mother Nature refuses to make up her mind, one has to find the strength and the humour just to make it through, and at all costs, REMAIN SANE!!!

In the midst of all of this gloom, something happened to me yesterday that just about made me laugh!  I walked into the closed side of an open double-door…

THRICE!!!

Now one would really think that I can navigate my way through a door.  I mean, I can and have waltzed on stage in operas, carried pales of water on my head, driven a car in at least three different countries, and even successfully sung upside down (a feat that I will NEVER do again!), but even for all of my skills, I manage to walk into the closed side of an open double door! 

This is what happened.  I was walking around the music building, and talking to someone at the same time.  I opened one side of the double doors and walked absentmindedly into the closed side.  I then proceeded to repeat this process twice more!  I have now come to the conclusion that even though I can now pat my head, rub my tummy and chew gum at the same time, I cannot ambulate and converse simultaneously without personal injury.  So then, I laughed.  It started out as a chuckle, but then turned into a chortle, and then into a full-blown stifling laugh.

You know, sometimes it is a good idea just to laugh at yourself.  I find that very easy sometimes.  This last Sunday when I went to church, I was frantically looking for a comb because I looked in the mirror and was having the worst hair day of my life!  I borrowed a comb from someone, went into the bathroom and proceeded to battle with my hair until I whipped it into submission.  I could not help but just…laugh!

Laughter, it is said, is the best medicine.  So, I challenge all those who are still reading to find one thing at least to just grab your gut and let out a good, loud, hearty GAFFAU!!!

Moi

P.S. You really didn’t think I was about to write about sex, did you??  For goodness sakes!  I’m only three and a half!!!

Here are seven more factoids I have learned since last week:

1) I am sane!  No really!!

2) Noses make good doorjambs, though there is a degree of pain involved.

3) It is safe to say that an incessantly squealing pig is not a happy camper.

4) Using butter as a moisturizer will cause people to spontaneously drool!

5) It takes someone like me to fall UP a flight of stairs!!

6) Never threaten a masochist with a spanking.

7) Clouds will always look like floating mashed potatoes to me!!!

Now I know what you are all thinking!  You are expecting this installment to be about some beautiful heroine/damsel in distress, named Isabella who is being dipped in the lunge position by some picture-perfect, gorgeous hunk with perfectly tanned skin, and muscled physique, named Giorgio…with him whispering sweet nothings into her ear, like, “oh beby, you ah my life! I will gouge out de eyes of any udder who would dare to look upon you. Never liff me, oh mah laaf! Juhr face, juhr lilly-white bossoms…(*gasp*)” At this point, all she can do is gasp, “oh Giorrrrgio!”, while fainting desperately into his strong adonis-like grasp… 

NO!  This is NOT about that, so snap out of it!!!! 

I was thinking this weekend about how God is with us.  Did you know that He is jealous for us as people?  Jealousy and revenge are two things which God reserves for Himself.  He loves us so much and wants us to choose Him over all others, because He cannot be placed second to anything or anyone.  Because God is so jealous over us, He will go to ANY length to drive this point home.  In the days of Moses, God went to extremes to show the pharoah of that time that HE IS GOD!  He made the children of Israel wander in the wilderness for many, many years until they learned that HE IS GOD! He visited Saul on the road to Damascus and stopped him in his tracks and got his attention, and made him see that HE IS GOD!  He backed up Daniel’s three friends who refused to bow to idols by walking with them in the fire when they were thrown in, and caused them to walk back out, loosed, just to send a message to the powers that were, that HE IS GOD!

John 3:16 says that God SO loves this world so much and He gave His only Son, so that we can have that important chance to have eternal communion with Him.  Now who else do you know would go through all of that for any one of us?  The Bible also says that greater love hath NO MAN than this than a man who would lay his life down for his friends.  Jesus calls us His friends and He did give His life for us. 

For me, it is comforting to know that THE GOD of the universe loves me that much that He would go to any extreme just to get my attention.  I do believe that God leans on His elbows, chewing anxiously on the inside of His cheek just waiting to get attention from us, with bated breath!  He not only loves us but DELIGHTS in us!

So, many times more than Giorrrrgio, GOD IS OUR ETERNAL JEALOUS LOVER!!

More anon…

Moi

Now I know you are all still asking yourselves this question…Why does Paul gravitate to such cold places to live?  Well here are some possible answers:

a)  I am a glutton for punishment

b)  I am tickled senseless watching snowflakes fall

c)  I am a West Indian missing the “tropical” gene

d)  I feel more confortable when it is cold than when it is hot and sticky

e)  All of the above

The answer that I am most convinced of is definitely d.  I do not know what the rest of you are thinking… I am not crazy!

You know, it is interesting to note that people in countries like Canada are affected by the changes in the seasons.  For example, in winter, people get antsy and depressed from being in-doors all the time.  In the spring and summer, they complain of being sun-burned from being outside all day everyday.  I always know when the seasons are changing, especially from winter to spring, because that is when people’s powers of concentration quickly deteriorate, and all intelligence drains out from the brain through the left ear, and then out the window.  You know when things are really bad when all the fashion disasters come out in full force in their tube-tops and short shorts, rollerblading around outside and looking painfully uncomfortable in the obvious chill in the air that is still lingering!

Winter has come late this year, but it is FINALLY here!  I am so proud of myself!  I have not worn ANY of my deep winter warm undies yet!  I guess that either it was just not cold enough, or I am one sizzlingly hot human!!  (*insert image and sound of bacon sizzling in a hot skillet*)  Just remember that I am still not edible, so do not go around imagining me in the pan!

Anywho, I am still alive and breathing.  My debut with the Winnipeg Symphony Orchestra is coming up and I am in full swing with that.  Remember to get your tickets early!  The event is on 2006 March 8-11 @ 8:00PM and 2006 March 12 @ 2:00PM at the Centennial Concert Hall, downtown Winnipeg.

More anon…

Moi  

P.S. You can stop laughing now…!

P.P.S. Alright! KNOCK IT OFF!!!