Mortimer’s Knickers in a KNOT?? Ooooh!!
Let me tell you about my friend Mortimer! He is someone where no matter how much you try to hide from him, he always finds you! He can be seen from time to time skipping daintily through the music building, singing operatic tenore di grazia-like high notes at full voice to anything/anyone, with or without a pulse, standing still, or tied to a poll, long enough to be tortured by the sweet vocal strains of this desperate divo! I know this because I have been grabbed in the hallway, shoved into the corner of the practice room that he has occupied and forced to listen to endless cadenzas, high notes, and to constant comparisons of himself to other famous tenor recordings. Oh come on now! He was the same one who keeps threatening to give me a CD recording of 47 Di quella piras!!!
Not much else can be said about this character, except that he told me an interesting story the other day, and I thought it, as always, my duty to share it with you, my avid readers.
I got an e-mail from Mortimer the other day where in it, he told me a story of getting his costume for a show he is involved with. I was the one who took his measurements with a tape measure I borrowed from one of the mighty ladies. For some reason, the costume place got the measurements mixed up and he was given Jiminie’s measurements for his costume by accident. Now Jiminie is as thin as a rail, so one can just imagine what Mortimer would look like squeezing into those measley measurements! But what if he found this out only on the day of the show and had nothing else to wear?? First of all, Jiminie would be wearing his measurements, and would look like a Raggedy Ann doll, or a little kid playing dress-up with his dad’s clothes, and Mortimer would look like someone kneaded and poured him into his costume. For one thing, he would have no problems at all with any of the high notes, thanks to the tight tights and the very short knickers! Makes me remember the Austrian Festival with the men dancing around with the ladies in their Lederhosen!!! Mortimer eats constantly and he would therefore have to resolve not to eat anything all day so as to keep whatever room is available for breathing. Pull the belt even tighter and he could experience a day in the life of a soprano!!!
Now Mortimer was of the view that I was out to get him, as he thought that I had the colossal affrontery to deliberately write down the wrong measurements. Moi (*insert innocent wide-eyed look here*)?? I would NEVER do that, but now that I think about it, I am kicking myself in the shins at how much FUN I could have had with that! But now that all has been corrected, he will be singing away, in the right costume, and having fun. Now it really would not surpirse me one bit if he were to go out there, and sing his heart out, do very well, and forget to ‘zip’ up! Or, even more hilarious, that his knickers would really get into a knot in mid “Zu Hilfe!”
Moi
