CAR RALLY!!!!!!!!!!
Now here is something that I can tick off of my life’s ‘To-Do List’. On Friday last, I was involved in, and lost my first ever CAR RALLY!!! Now before I embarked on this, I imagined this to be an event where I would get to wear a green unitard, and speed around in a car like a crazy superhero, with my cape flying in the wind, and my tongue dangling out of my mouth!
But no! This was a friendly competition between two teams of five, doing a sort of mini ‘Amazing Race’ like chasing all over Winnipeg. The great undulating MEGAPOLIS of WINNIPEG!!!
We started out bursting from the Music Building (our version of the Hall of Justice) where we trampled each other to get to our invisible jets! I, armed with my team sprang into action. We started out by driving around in circles before getting to our first task. You know, it would take too long for to go through the whole evening, so here are the highlights:
First Highlight. We arrived at Penny’s house, where we encountered our first roadblock. CLOTHILDA! She was pacing back and forth wondering why we were invading her space. Fortunately for us, we did not have to engage in combat with her as our task was to mow the lawn. In doing so, we appeased the monster. There I was, zwiddling desperately along behind the mower, my fast beating hamhocks barely touching the ground. As I was finishing up, my team went skipping daintily through the flower patch, trying to collect a bouquet.
Second Highlight. We went to the gas station. Now I know you might think this was simple enough, but we had to purchase nine cents worth of fuel for our car. That’s nine pennies. Nine annoying little pieces of copper alloy!! We had the terrible luck of getting the pump that was on the opposite end of the paystation. Plus, our bratmobile was diesel, and that was where the pump was that we could get to! It took three tries. At each turn, I had to be again zwiddling desperately back and forth, my blurred hamhocks kicking up dust in their wake! After the third try, I was sure that the attendant was going to call the little white padded bus for us all!
Third Highlight. Now WHOSE idea was it to state that one of the tasks was to get some poor unsuspecting person with long hair to put her hair into pigtails and take a picture with a sign stating, ‘I love Paul’ on the front? I do not have a fettish for pigtails! That is just silly! Even sillier was when we all went bursting into Earl’s and, while panting desperately, asked a waitress to assist. I am sure we left a lasting impression upon her mind. I am almost sure she is in therapy right now.
Fourth Highlight. Bouquets! Now, I thought that collecting flowers was supposed to be a relaxing, calming thing. Instead, it was something more along the lines of the Tasmanian Devil after a quadruple espresso shot! At the stoplight by Magillvray, I noticed some yellow flowers growing on the median. I got out of the car, zwiddling desperately into the bush, my hamhocks churning furiously along, grabbed a few, and squealed back into the car before the drivers behind got a chance to call the emergency psycheline.
Though my team lost, it was still lots of fun! I think the reason we lost was that the other team had a very crazy driver, named Lola! Now she does not know this, but I spotted her tyre marks all over the routes we followed. I would know that she was there, as we were always driving in a cloud of smoke. Of course, I know that she is really a secret agent working for an international anti-terrorist organization, where she has to fly all over the world, rescue heads of state, flirt with danger, drink vodka lemon-drop martinis, stirred, not whipped, and swallow grenades for breakfast! (*insert baritone chuckle here*)
Well, I had fun, and I should have lost a few ounces from all of those zwiddlings! Well, I hope so. To make sure of this, I will be holding a loaded gun to the scale when I stand on it!
Moi
