Paul’s “G”odiva Spot

Here are seven factoids that have zwiddled desperately over me like an elephant “Am Punkte” since being in T.O.:

1) There is NO SHAME WHATSOEVER ANYWHERE in this city!

2) Every third person of the street has neon hair and wears leather, with pets desperately and accordingly accoutred.

3) If you ever wonder where the hell is “Gay Toronto”, look no further…IT’S HERE!!!

4) Every fourth person (regardless of gender) wears pigtails!

5) I do not have a pigtail fettish (for that would be just silly!!!)

6) Most people around here look really hungry (hence, my fear of my well-fed self being eaten!!)

7) Compared to the rest of Toronto, I am NORMAL!!!

Here is the age old question:  Why do I have a fear of being eaten?  Well, I have only been in T.O for one week, and already I am getting strange looks from people on the street.  I mean, one would think that people are just friendly around here, but more than half of them look either like they are not being fed, or are so strung out on diets that require one to eat all of one pea, only to be washed down with a triple fat-free, sugar-free skim-soy-milk latte, which after spending $20.00 for, one ends up throwing it away out of guilt of getting fat!!!  THIS is what I hear when I walk past people everyday!  In big cities, people do not really care that the world hears their conversations.  They talk about everything!  Yes! EVERYTHING…OUT LOUD TOO!!!!

So, after reading Helga’s comment about being hungry, it reminded me of what happened to me today as I was on my way to an audition for a church job.  I was walking along, when all of a sudden, I saw a couple of ladies licking their chops feverishly, while eyeing my flesh!  I felt like I was being followed, because everywhere I went, they followed, until I finally disappeared into the church.

WHY do people want to eat me???  Do I have a sign stamped on my forehead saying “Grade A PORK (corn-fed)”?  I make sure to use a strong soap so as to rid myself of any hint of squealing deliciousness, so that I do not add to the problem.

Anyway, this city is weird!!!  And do not be surprised if when you all see me again, I have teeth marks all over me, and pieces of me missing!  It is a jungle out there!!!

*GAPTH!*

Moi

I had my first voice lesson here yesterday! Oh my goodness!!!! Already something is snapping into place for me vocally! My new voice teacher (Leisa MacDougall) already started getting me to open the throat more as if on the verge of a constant yawn, to keep the soft palate raised. She discovered that my soft palate has a tendency to be lazy, so we began working on a new technique, which now, I will have to work into my body. Everytime a new technique comes along, I have to work it into my body so that my body gets used to the new movements and sensations. Already I was making a sound that was just…fuller, richer, and tastier, like thick molasses-based barbeque sauce, dripping off of juicy, squealing babyback ribs!!! (*DROOL!*)

It is interesting looking back at all the voice teachers I have had in my life. My first voice teacher was male (lyric baritone), my second, when I was doing my master’s degree was female (spinto soprano), my third teacher, the one at U of M was male (lyric tenor) and now, my fourth is female (lyric soprano). My new teacher asked me yesterday if I had any problems with working with a woman, being a man. This is how I feel. I feel that both genders have something to contribute to teaching. Naturally, men and women will focus on different things. For me, my male teachers tended to focus more on the sound that I was producing. Naturally, a good sound is an indication of a solid technique and good breath. It is kind of hard to make great, healthy sound with weak, unsupported breath and bad posture without injuring yourself in short order! Women tend to focus more on technique. My first female teacher would stare at my body for hours while I was singing. She was studying the way my breath moved, and even what positions my head would be in, and even how my head sat on my neck while singing. One thing I can say about all of my teachers is that they have never sugar-coated anything for me. If I am not singing well, they tell me, and they have at different points dragged me into the studio (with me willingly in toe) to fix it right then and there! I feel as if I am getting a well-rounded development (as well as being well-round) as each teacher is adding to my voice and my technique another layer to the one that the previous teacher has laid. It is like adding another layer of chocolate on top of a frosted brownie! (*Oh DROOL!!*)

I think about Mr. MacSprechenzuviel and about all the things he has taught me. I owe him so much! One thing I know is this: I know that he wants me to continue to grow, and to move forward, and that is exactly what is happnening now. Stay tuned people!

Moi

Well, it is now day 6. I am sure you are all curious as to what kinds of mischief I have gotten myself into already. But before I can tell you that, I have to say that I saw Isolde Monteverdi perform at the Toronto Summer Festival on Thursday night! She was FAAAAB!!!!!! I am so proud of her, and I am proud to say that she came from Winnipeg, home-grown, from our little FOM at the U of M, and brought the house down!!! I met up with her aftrerwards at the after-cast party, and we caught up a bit.

So now, here I am. I was saying that it is now day 6, did I not? One thing I have noticed about being here in Toronto is the incredible number of pigtails running around shamelessly on the streets!!! Everyone wears pigtails!!! Maybe some of you (HELGA!) should come down for a visit and take copious notes. But of course, I am in NO WAY obsessed with pigtails, so it is not like I am getting any kind of a thrill out of it. They just look cute flopping about in the wind as they pass by.

So far, I have seen some very strange people, in some very strange outfits zwiddling desperately about the city streets. People with blue hair, pink shirts and green pants or skirts is one example of the many desperate fashion violations running rampant and wontonly up and down Avenue Road! And that is another thing!!! Who in their right (or even left) mind had the nerve to name a street ‘Avenue Road’? I mean, REALLY!!!

Tomorrow, I have two important meetings to attend. One is with my new voice teacher. I am looking forward to meeting…her! I have heard so much about her and am looking forward to working with her. But so far, I am still alive, and kicking, and I have not yet walked into anything solid. So things are looking up!

Now, not to toot my own horn here, but it would be nice if you would leave a comment or six on my blog page…it would let me know that you were there. Just thought I would drop a hint here and there for you, just in case you didn’t know it. I know you are all busy and need a little assist in this department from time to time, and I am all too filled with glee to help!

Moi

Well, hello all!  I am now in Toronto!  This is my first blog from Toronto!  Idn’t that lovely, hmm??

Anywho, I got in two hours late last night, and was picked up at the airport.  I was taken to where I will be for the next few weeks.  I have to be totally honest!  I was scared!!!  I am trying to get used to the surroundings and it is just different!  All the ‘what-ifs’ attacked me at once last night!!!

Transitions are never easy, and change is always difficult, but very much necessary!  I know that I have to do this, and no matter how scared I get, I cannot back down.  God is doing something and He expects me to go with along with Him for the ride.

You know, these are the times when I miss being a child!  I remember when as a child, if ever daddy said something, or made a promise, I never gave it a second thought, because my father is a man of his word.  Whenever I was out in public and there were other children around who used to tease and bully me, I never even noticed them there because my daddy was right there to defend me, and defend me, he did!  I remember once when my parents came to a prize-giving and speech day at my school when I was about 8.  It was one of those evenings when we all had to sit for three hours of our afternoon in our uniforms, squirming in our seats, while the teachers, board members and the head mistress would torture us with long, boring, drawn-out speeches!  I am sure they were saying something intelligent, but all I heard was bla, bla, bla,… you get the point!  Anywho, when it was over and we were going home (HURRAY!) one of my classmates (the class clown and my personal bully) came over and taunted me in front of my father.  He would make jokes, laugh at me, call me hurtful names and threaten to beat me up.  Just then, my father grabbed him by the collar and and lifted him up off of his feet and told him in a very thundering tone to back off!  He went running like I never saw him run before!  I will never forget that day!  My daddy was my hero, and he still is!

So, if my earthly father can evoke such confidence in him from me, then should my heavenly Father, who is more powerful, wealthier, stronger, smarter and kinder, not evoke from me a much firmer confidence??  Well, the reason why sometimes we falter in our faith is that our earthly ‘heroes’ and ‘heroines’ are tangible.  We can see them, touch them, even taste them (I have proof of that!) and they bring us a level of physical comfort.   God on the other hand calls us to have faith in Him, who we cannot see with our eyes, but we know that He is there because He proves that to us daily over and over again, whether we choose to see it or not.  That, I believe, is what it means to walk by faith and not by sight.

Well, that is it for now.  This is only day one.  So stay tuned for good news to come!

Moi

This feels like having that last meal, or that last wish before the great plunge!   Well, the day is FINALLY here!  A lot of people have been asking me if I am excited?  Well, yes, but right now, I am more scared than anything else!  I am literally going into the unknown!  I know that the ONLY way I will get through is with the Lord’s help and His miracle working ways!  He is still in the business of working miracles, and I am determined to prove Him, and that He is a Man of His Word!

I woke up this morning feeling like Julie Andrews in “The Sound Of Music”.  She was about to take a job as a governess for the Von Trapp family, and as she was leaving the Abbey where she was about to become a nun (Hmmm! She must have been afflicted by Mari Lyn!!!), sings, “What will this day be like?  I wonder…”  Now even though I am not going to be taking care of seven children, while playing a guitar and desperately accoutred and bursting in a derndlrok, I am sailing off into waters uponwhich anything could happen.  However, I walk upon these waters not alone, but with the knowledge that God has walked this watery path ahead of me, and has made a way for me somewhere, somehow.

And that is it! 

“Adieu, mon petite table…” (*GASP!*) was what ran through my head this morning as I was looking around at my home for two years.  My little room, with my little desk, bed, lamp, and closet.  I am grateful to everyone who has gone to bat for me!  THANK YOU!!!! 

Goodbye Winnipeg!  I know I will come visit sometime, but until then, goodbye for now.

Moi

No this is not a headline from a newspaper!  I was at the Music Building (in my last few days in Winnipeg, I choose to spend them with anyone who will stand still long enough to endure my squealings and ramblings consort!) doing some research on an opera role I am about to tackle for the autumn, and ended up being irreversibly victimized by something which is…well, a collossal affrontery to anything audible!  MARI LYN!!!  I have actual proof of this, and you will need both a set of headphones, or speakers, and one cup of Pepto Bismol! 

***WARNING!***  Listening and watching these following examples may cause headaches, nausea, constipation, IBS, and the sudden urge to become a NUN!!!

Now WHO in their right (or even left) mind would be caught DEAD singing http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TmU1K4VGlf0 in public?  Not even I am that crazy!  The character singing this aria is supposed to be a light soubrette of a lady, delicate and flirty, where this is more akin to an albatross doing a dry-land landing, or Brunnhilde on point!!!  Such daint, or LACK thereof is enough to send any well-adjusted person rushing screaming from their sanity!  I mean, even grown hardened men would cry and curl up in the foetal position with their thumbs in their mouths at having to listen to this!

OK!  Now for those of you in love, there is nothing better than a Neopolitan Love Song to set the mood and to waft young (and young-at-heart) lovers into the sunset…BUT, upon listening to the like of something like http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZYpbOzFnJI it is safe to say that if you are trying desperately to get rid of someone on the first date, NEVER LEAVE HOME WITHOUT HAVING THIS HANDY TO PLAY IN THE BACKGROUND!  Of course, watching it will have twice the effectiveness of getting rid of any unwanted attention!

And just when you thought it could not possibly get any worse, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qeurOvXJYLY shows up and blows everything else out of the water!  First, note the hair and makeup.  OK.  Now that you have, and are still standing, can you come up with ANY reason why this person is running around loose?  I ask you!

Well, there you have it.  You cannot say you never got a good laugh!  Now if you will excuse me, I have to go pray!   AVE MARIA…

Moi

Last weekend, a bunch of us from the FMCF (Faculty of Music Christian Fellowship), Cleopas, Penelope, Jeanette, Kaity, Melvin, Anita, Ying-Ying, Jane, et Moi, zwiddled desperately to Brandon for our Brandon Day (*VOGUE!*) expidition.  Not to be confused with Steinbach Day (*Woohoo!*), this was a day of hanging out with eachother, playing silly games with no point, literally, and enjoying food, fun, and fellowship.  It was just in Brandon, and not Steinbach.

The day began when Anita, Cleopas and Penelope came to pick me up in the morning.  We all went to meet Jeanette at her house, and from there, we took off, and the day began!  I remember looking out that the fields of canola, with their yellow flower buds and thinking, how nice it would have been if we were to pull over, and go skipping daintily through the canoli!   It was quite a thought!  Our first stop was just outside of Brandon, where we all went to the little boys’ and girl’s rooms to be good boys and girls.  Then, we put our thinking caps on and decided what the day would entail. 

First, we visited the Faculty of Music at Brandon University.  I must say that it was an impressive building!  While we were there, we attempted to have a little fun with Cleopas, by hiding from him to make him think we all left.  Of course that backfired on us because he did not seem to take the bait at all.  I guess the jokes were on us for cramming ourselves into one practise room and standing there like children in time-out in the dark!

We left there and went to have lunch at Gulliver’s.  Now, one should never take me to a restaurant and give me a menu and tell me to make up my mind!  With so many choices, I sat there looking at other people trying to figure out what they were going to order so as to give me an idea of what to get my myself.  I ended up getting a very nice salad.  And then, we were told that it would be a sin if we never tried the cheesecake!  Of course I thought so too. I LOOOOOOOVE CHEESECAKE!!!  Not to mention, it was NEW YORK Style DENSE cheesecake!  I could just hear the fat cells in my body replicating and making room, and the first piece had not even hit my mouth yet!  Some people in life can eat anything and still remain the size of a chopstick, while for others like moi, all we have to do is think about cheesecake and…oh great! My butt just got 5cm wider!!! (*DROOL!*)

To get rid of the guilt, we all went to the park were we played a very bad game of volleyball.  It was nice to run around, feet becoming well-done in the hot sand, working on the 8cm of extra butt I grew (5 for thinking, and 3 for actually eating half of it, the other half I shared with Cleopas).  We had lots of fun.  I think I had more fun watching all of the missed shots, and people zwiddling desperately, and getting nowhere, and squealing, “MINE!” with that familiar blood-curdling enthusiam, only to see the biting of dust!

After that, we all went to Anita’s house where I proceeded to make pancakes, from my recipe from scratch.  We all had a wonderful breakfast-like dinner, complete with farmer sausage, raspberries and cream, watermelon, and wasps!  Yes!  Wasps!!  We had a little war going on with some wasps who kept perching upon our food.  Cleopas, armed with a fly-swatter, went flailing desperately about the deck, eventually killing the culprit.  Unfortunately, we had a casualty of our own.  Sadly, Melvin was assaulted by the wasp’s uncle Vinne, who, upon Melvin’s exit from the house, swooped down and took out a piece of his leg.  Now this gives a new meaning to a suicide bomber, I tell you!  He just swooped, in and that was that!

As the evening wore on, Melvin, even with only part of his leg (bless his pointy little head!), was still able to teach us a Hebrew dance and a Dutch dance.  We got into partners and ended up kicking eachother in the shins.  But it was fun!  Then, a beautiful thing happened.  Everyone gathered around me to pray for me as they know that I am leaving for Toronto.  It felt so good to have the support of friends who really want to see you succeed and who will really miss you when you are gone.  Except for this group of friends, and Helga and Lulu and a few others,  I really do not think I would be missed from this place.  Well, whether or not that is the case, it is time to move on.

We were all heading back to Winnipeg, and upon entering, were met by the roadside police squad who were doing spot checks.  Really though, I think they just wanted to stare into our faces and watch us squirm in our seats for their amusement!

It was a great day!  I do plan to come back for a visit here and there to the ‘Peg whenever I am able to, and, at some point, I believe we will all have a TORONTO DAY (*RRRRRRRRREEEEEE!*)!!!!!!!  That is a very long rolled ‘R’, just in case you didn’t know it.

Moi

(Before I begin, imagine me with one hand on forehead, facing outwards of course, the other hand in the air, my head turned to one side, eyes closed, and letting off a loud sigh!  There!  Now that I have set the mood…)

Like a young, Reubenesque dramatic soprano nervously poised to make her debut at the Met, in the enviable role of Brunnhilde, desperately accoutred and bursting with pigtails, chain-mail skirt, winged helmet, iron bosoms, (i.e. pointed brass bra) and clutching desperately to her spear and shield,  I am desperately poised to take a leap into the darkness of the unknown (a.k.a. Toronto!).  Yes, my friends.  My time in Winnipeg is coming to a close.  I will be leaving in the middle of the month to go to Toronto to take part in the provisions God has made for me there.

How am I feeling you may ask?  I am scared!  Well, terrified is more like it.  At the rate I am going, I may not have any more fingernails (or toenails) left!  There are so many hurdles to climb over, and so many hoops to jump through, but one thing is for sure:  I may not know what my future holds, but I know who holds my future…God!  I am about to take what I believe is one of the largest bounds of faith (with reverse quadruple axel and aerial split of course) I have ever taken.  I am literally stepping out of the boat unto…liquid.  When last I checked, I was not made to walk on water.  Something keeps happening whenever I try to do that…I sink, and what is even more annoying, I get wet! 

Lately, I have been thinking about the scripture when Jesus calls Peter to step out of the boat and come to Him on the water.  I cannot imagine the sheer terror on Peter’s face.  I am not sure how much of a swimmer he was, but anyone, even the best swimmers in the world fear water when it is swirling out of control.  But, Peter took the first step, and started walking on the water.  It was when he started to look down and question the physics of what he was doing was when he began to sink.  The good thing about Jesus is that, even when we lose faith, He continues to be faithful!

My mother reminded me the other day (I love my mommy!) that God’s faithfulness to us is not soley based on our faith.  Even though those of us who are Christians know that without faith, it is impossible to please Him, and we are expected to trust in Him, God continues to be faithful, even when our faith fails, and it does from time to time.  Jairus came to Jesus asking for Him to come and heal his daughter who was dying.  Jesus told him to believe, and that was it.  Jairus’ response was very honest:  Lord, I believe, but please forgive my unbelief.  When word came that the daughter was confirmed dead, Jesus went over to the house and into the room where the dead girl lay, and spoke the Word of Life to her, and she arose!  Jesus came and did the impossible, even in the midst of a lack of faith. 

So, I go with the knowledge that God goes with me, and that He will provide everything that I need.  I know some of you reading this will think I am nuts, or even fanatical, but if you have ever seen or been on the journey that I am on with God, you will understand.  My life has been a series of trials, miracles, pain, silliness dead ends, split ends and now, I am poised to see a breakthrough take place.  I just know that I have to take the risk and go, and so, I shall.

So fare thee well, oh Winnipeg!  (*gasp!*)  I bid thee a desperate ‘addio’, and I shall visit thee again some time soon.  Do not weep for me, oh wanton citadel (*sigh!*), for I shall be BACH!!!

Moi

P.S. This is not necessarily my last blog before I leave, just in case you didn’t know it.