Paul’s “G”odiva Spot

Flitting and zwiddling simultaneously AM PUNKTE, over buttercups and daisies is how I would like to make an entrance…just for the fun of it…and to see the desperately shocked looks on everyone’s faces…in tights no less!! Hello all you FAB peoples! I am BACH! Yes, I came BACH from CHOPIN for a long LISZT of Christmas gifts, ranging from GLASS to gadgets, gizmos and dudads! School is so STRAUSSfull and I am having a tough time getting a HANDEL of everything! I feel like I am playing HAYDN-go-seek with the general schedule (pronounced ’shed-yule’ to the great annoyance of those of you still desperately trying to get me Canadianized!), and I am so BIZET that feel tired all the time! Ah! What a life!

Unfortunately, I have not been cast in the next opera, which is the Rape of Lucretia by Britten. Oh well, there is always next year. So I am going through the usual self therapy, of lots of chocolate, and whining in order to get over it. But I will be fine. That opera requires only a small cast, and seniority comes into play. But I am still alive!

Not that I have ever had issues with this, but I think the Princess Leah look should come back into fashion! It is like having two danishes stuck to the sides of your head! I once saw a clip of Miss Piggy in that kind of a hairstyle on youtube.com, and it got me thinking…if a pig can look deliciously cute in such a hairstyle, how more fitting it would be for people to wear it. Idn’t that lovely, hmmm?

OK! Time for me to go BACH to being BIZET!! I know you are all tearing up with laughter at this point. Yes I know, you cannot help yourselves against my side-SCHPLITTING humour! Oh yes! And my hamhocks are shrinking! So now, there is even less threat of my being eaten by any of you! *Neener neener neeeeeener!!!*

Moi

Yesterday, I had such an experience! I sang in a masterclass conducted by Hakan Hagegard! Now, this man sings like there is no tomorrow!!! I remember many years ago (1993 in fact), we were in the midst of presenting scenes of operas for our opera workshop at Houghton School of Music in Houghton, NY. My teacher invited the casts over for an after-performance party and to watch the live broadcast of “The Ghosts of Versailles”, by John Corigliano from the Met.

The cast included well-known operatic celebs like Marilyn Horne, Teresa Stratas, Tracy Dahl, Gino Quilico, and, of course, Hakan Hagegard. I remember being transfixed to the tv screen as I listened to Ms. Dahl sing desperately high with such ease, and dreamed of the day when I would meet her in person, and that day came when I went to Winnipeg, and saw her in the flesh, and was told I would be singing in a masterclass with her, and was a total doorknob when she came up to me and introduced herself…I think she thought I was ewither a deranged fan, or just plum crazy! I said, “HHHHHHHAIII!!” with a big grin on my face, and then I began to sing a line from her role as Florestine (the opening line with all the high notes and everything), from which she gave me a look that could have been interpreted as a mixture of her being pleasantly amused, and impressed that I remembered it in such detail, and wanting to make a quick possible quick escape from a desperate fan (*breath!*)!

Anywho, I digress! I have a habit of doing that, don’t I? Anyway, I sat and watched Teresa Stratas outdo herself in the role of Marie Antoinette, and Hakan Hagegard sang Beaumarchais, love interest of Antonia, the ghost of Marie Antoinette. I saw him use so many colours in his voice and never thought I would ever get to meet him in my life…

And here I was, yesterday, singing Lenski’s Aria for him! He gave me some important tools which I am now mulling over, and I think will really help me in the long run. It is along the same lines that my teacher in Winnipeg (Mr. MacSprechenzuviel) and my current teacher have both encouraged in my voice.  I love masterclasses because the people who give them (well, this is my experience thus far) have all given me something that even though it may seem small, is making a big difference in my singing over time. He was also very gentle and clear, and I really wish I could have a private lesson with him sometime. Well, know knows what will happen. With God, ALL things are possible!

Quite a lot fo people do come to listen to these masterclasses! Hey! Maybe there was someone there who might want to hire me in the future! I hope so. I am really ready to do some work and earn some money!!!

So then, it is onward and upward from here!

Moi

P.S. I did spot one person in the audience with PIGTAILS (*glee!*)…not that that means anything to me really…for that’s just silly.

I had a most interesting ride on the metro this morning. You know that I notice all sorts of things and people who ride the metro everyday. Well, last week in movement class, we talked about the seven levels of tension, something we have also done in acting class in Winnipeg. It is interesting to note that everyday people carry all levels of tension in their bodies, from the very drunk, to the desperately constipated.

Anywho, I digress. The experience I had this morning. I was sitting by myself on the metro when all of a sudden, I was assaulted! I was not assaulted by someone trying to eat me this time, nor was I attacked by any one person. I was assaulted by the girth of a woman’s rumproast! Yes my friends, I have finally  encountered someone with a larger backside than I have!!! Now I have hamhocks for legs, as many of you (including those of you still trying to eat me!) know so well, but she had what I would have to call beef shanks! Anyway, I digress yet again! She boarded the train and proceeded to sit next to me, practically immobilizing me in my seat! For the 15 minutes she sat there, I could not move. So I did a brief analysis of my corpus to see to it that it was still intact, and that I was not somehow turned into schnitzel ready for frying. Oh and by the way, one of the reasons why schnitzels are so angry is that before they are breaded and fried, they are pounded or flattened by some heavy flattening object. So I almost became a schnitzel.

As soon as she descended into the seat next to me, I knew I was done for! She sat, and immediately I was pinned to the wall of the train, quietly squealing to myself in discomfort. Then, after about 3 minutes, she seemed to spread out more and more, like dough on a table when left alone, as I felt more of her flesh pressing against my desperate corpus! She then took out a novel, and began reading…GREAT! She is comfortably reading away while I am still trying to breathe!! I had an itch on my side that there was no way I was going to get to until this ordeal was over! I literally could NOT MOVE!!!!!! The only good thing about all of this was that she came with a built-in heater, and was warming up the area around me, thus thawing my slight frozen fingers, even though at the same time, I was starting to lose the feeling in my legs.

After turning blue, and seeing that last bits of my life flit across my eyes, the train stopped and she got up. I took in probably the biggest breath I have ever taken to regain my golden bronze colour!!! She simply got up and lumbered out of the train, not knowing that she almost committed the crime of murder by asphyxiation, a crime she would not have known she committed.

Now if you will excuse me, I am now going back into therapy.

Moi

I am NATST! Not next, but NATST! I went to NATS this weekend to compete in my category of advanced young professional. I WON!!! I have not won anything in the last twelve years!!! Now I have to admit that even though there a lot of people who dropped out for one reason or another, it was still a good experience for me. So let me tell you how it went.

I got up at…you guessed it…5:00AM! I was wide awake and bursting with glee! Why was I bursting, with glee no less, so early in the morning? I dont know. I just was! Actually, I was more excited about getting the day over with, because I knew it was going to be a long day. I left home and caught the bus to the metro station. I went down to the train station where I caught the 7:51AM train to London, ON. Upon getting to London and taking a taxi to Western, I registered and had five hours to wait! At my turn, I went, and sang, and won! Then I won again by winning the award for most promising young professional. Though this was a small competition, it gave me the boost I needed at that point.

I did meet some very nice people there! The tenor I competed with is one of the most genuine people I have ever met in a long time! It was a pleasure to talk to him, and I do hope that we will stay in touch. Also, there were lots of heads of hair in desperate need of pigtails, but of course, I am not obsessed with pigtails, for that’s just silly.

Then after it was all over, we all went to The Keg for dinner! I had one of the most delicious steaks I have had in a long time! I love meat!! Nice, well-cooked, juicy meat! Now of course some of you still see me as that delicious piece of pork, but I am still off the menu and running around freely; my hamhocks zwiddling along under me. I’m free-range! HAHAAH!

So now, I may go on to Indiana for the regional competition. We will see. I will keep you posted. Right now, I am going to bed because I have a masterclass to sing in tomorrow.

Moi

Disclaimer:   This entry was written while trying (more like straining!) to watch Prison Break at the same time, so some parts may not make sense.

It is the day after my day off from the opera. I am feeling desperate FLEDERMAUS withdrawal! My day off was rather peculiar, as with anything connected with my corpus these days. I woke up at 5:40AM! I DID!! And I threatened that I would torture myself if I ever got up and went to school. So I lay there upon my bed, slowing tugging at my second and third chins, and pulling my hair out strand by strand. Then, I gave in. I got up, made my bed, thought of my mother (as every good son should do), and then went to school. WHO in their right minds would go to school on a day off from school? Well, I guess you all think I am crazy. I really am not crazy. I am fully and certifiably sane. I even got it certificate revalidated just for good measure.

So what did I do when I got here? Absolutely nothing! I went to the library and sat there watching books sit still for hours. I mean, I did some stuff that I have been putting off for some time, but I basically did nothing. At about midday, I ate lunch and then went home. I did go home with the intention of going straight to sleep, but, for those of you who know me too well, my plans always seem to get side-swiped somehow. I did go home, mark you, but not to sleep!

First, I got into a riveting conversation with my cousin. She talked, I listened. I found myself plastered to the couch, dodging her arms as she was really getting into her stories, her arms flailing desperately about, almost knocking me over thrice. Then, I got up and zwiddled around for a few moments (in an attempt to look busy). Then, I sat and watched Robert, the rabbit throw a fit in his cage. Now he is the first rabbit (and I am speaking of an actual long-eared rodent) I have ever seen with an attitude the size of a diva! He seemed rather upset with life, and would either fling his plate out of his cage, or sit on it. Now I have warned him several times to NEVER SIT ON A PLATE!!! Especially as he has the tendency to do his meatloaf or bun impression by folding all of his feet in under him, while balancing perfectly on the plate. Such things are just too tempting. He has NO IDEA of how many random recipes have run through my little mind because of his choice of sitting position. Hey! Maybe I should get a BUNDT pan or a dutch casserole dish and put it in his cage and see if he sits in it! How apt and convenient also that his cage is right next to the kitchen…*DROOL!!* Anyway, he suddenly went from being a diva to being really quiet. My cousin thinks he may not be feeling well, but I think he is constipated because his cage has not needed to be cleaned in two days!!! Plus, he just sits there now, in the same position since his tantrum, twitching his nose, and just…staring at me. You know, I wonder what he thinks about all day? Well, that is for another blog entry.

I also figured out why my cousin named the dog Taz. His name was taken from the cartoon character, the Tasmanian Devil, because of his constant obsession with walking around in circles. He will, if you let him, walk around in the same spot for as long as you can tolerate seeing him do that. One day, I was so confused by this that I started walking around in circles too, just to see what the fuss was all about. I actually got into it, and the next thing I know, I was walking around in circles and he was sitting there staring at me with a confused expression on his face!

Anyway, such was my day. So now, I am BACH at school and looking forward to the busy schedule that awaits me. Yeay!

Moi

We killed FLEDERMAUS! When you hear “Die! You Fledermaus you!!”, it means that we murdered it. We had such a SUCCESSFUL run of this operetta, and we all feel great about our efforts! I feel great about this because it was my first cross-over, or zwischenfach role, a role that could be done also by high baritones. You all know that I am not a baritone, so I feel it is a step up for me vocally to be able to successfully sing this role. I have another rung to add to my CV! Yeay!!!!!

We have another opera coming up in March next year. It is called, “The Rape of Lucretia” by Benjamin Britten. Talk about contrasts! We just finished doing an operetta with lots of laughing, waltzing, drinking (or the appearance thereof), zwiddling (courtesy of yours’ truly), and having a convincingly knee-slapping time. The Glee Enforcement Unit of the police farce did not have to chase us with cattle prods to get us to be gleeful, and are quite upset about it, and we were not eaten by giant ‘off’ schnitzels! Whereas this operetta is light-hearted and jovial, and just overtly and desperately happy, the next one is going to be the exact opposite! Instead of prancing around on-point, gleefully squealing all the way, we will explore the inner acting skills of silent introspection, and desperate constipation. There might be a chance I may not get a part in this opera, because it requires a much smaller cast, and I am low in the pecking order of the opera school (being only in first year).

Now begins my daunting task of detoxing from Fledermaus. I am still trying to stop the waltz which is mercilessly, and happily running around shamelessly in my head, like the toddler who got away from his/her mother or father at bathtime and is quite happy to be baring all to the world, simply refusing to be caught! I even caught myself on demi-point as I was coming to school today!!! And I am not supposed to even be here today anyway. We were given the day off today. I am supposed to be at home, asleep, but nooooo! Here I am, at school, with nothing to do but pass time, and watch books sit still. Am I not the most pathetic person you have ever met?!

In other news, my hamhocks have successfully worn holes in yet another pair of jeans! I just cannot keep up with these porcine pillars, which are still zwiddling (i.e. in a blur) carrying me hither and thither. So now, I have to go jeans shopping next week! Hey! Maybe I could make extra money by hiring my hamhocks out to anyone who needs distressed jeans!!! That is the fashion nowadays you know. If your jeans do not have any looks of distress, you are seen as large, square, and desperately in need of being arrested by the fashion police. I am sure I could put these swine-like squealies to good use! $$$$$!!

I had way too much chocolate yesterday! I was so giddy that I think some of that actually helped with energy while I was on stage. I think it is time for me to go into rehab though. My name is Moi, and I am a chocoholic!

Will you all please stop what you are doing, take a break, and read my blog, and comment!!!! TODAY!!!!!!!!!!

Moi

Thank you Marvin! Going HUM crazy just about sums it up! So yes! The day is here!!! I am going to be singing tonight my first Eisenstein in Die Fledermaus! I am so looking forward to it!!!!!!!!!!! I am filled with such desperate glee and zwiddling about desperately AM PUNKTE (!) like a laviathon squeezed into a sausage roll, supported by two hamhocks zwiddling mercilessly (as in a blur) in point shoes! Can you tell that I am looking forward to this? No you can’t!! So I am going to explain it to you in detail from the beginning.

I did something today which I have not done in a long while. I actually attempted going back to sleep after I woke up at 5:30 this morning! And I think I did fall asleep for at least 30 mintues of every hour that passed before I got fed up and got up and came to school. We have time off to rest for those of us who are singing on a particular day, but I just cannot seem to get the waltz out of my head!! I actually dreamt that one of my colleagues in the cast (I will not say who) kept trying to make me dance the waltz and I kept trying to run away because I did not want to at that moment. The more I resisted, the more this person kept at me. Then, the straw finally broke the camel’s back when the same said person came at me supposedly to start waltzing, but had a fork in hand and was drooling with mouth agape!!! Then I woke up.  What is it with people always trying to eat me???

Now, you all know that I am not crazy. I am still certifiably sane and lots of people can attest to that fact. I am not losing it! The HUM, however, of the melody of this waltz song by Johann Strauss, Jr. seems to be on desperate continuous play in my head!

*GASP!!* I just had a thought!! What if the whole world were to be one big waltz song? We would be waltzing our way to work, to school, to play, and everything we do would be carefully done in 3/4 (or for a faster tempo, 6/8) time, and with feather-point precision. Of course, doing the waltz requires a pleasant expression, so for those who do not smile at will, would have desperate looking grins plastered accross their faces.  That would be because there would be police officers of the Glee Enforcement Unit, armed with cattle prods and stun guns to see to it that we are all continuously and desperately expressing glee. We would also have strong arms from holding them up all day in the waltz formation, as well as strong toes and calves from being on demi-point all day! Bank tellers would shell out money in threes, trees would shed their leaves in clumps of three, girls would have three pigtails, mens’ tuxes would have three tails. Raves would have rock music in strict waltz time and all dancing would be done to that beat. Instead of walking, we would skip daintily, like Maria Von Trapp, and we would toot our car horns and ring our bicycle bells in threes! Even restaurants would all have three course meals served by waiters and waitresses waltzing in on point.  How elegant!

Wouldn’t that be a wonderful world to live in? Hmmm??

Moi

Remember when I told you all the story of when I managed to walk into the closed side on a dual-opening door, even after I had opened the one side for myself? Well, I have now sunk to a new low of silliness! Yesterday, I was walking and talking with our opera co-ordinator (who is also a very nice person, and looks adorable in pigtails!), and I opened the left side of a dual-opening door so that she could walk through it. Being the liberated, imdependent woman that she is, she opened her own door (the right side). All of this was being done while we were in desperate conversation. And then, it happened! I managed to walk right into the median pole that separates the two doors!  I am beginning to notice a trend here (could it be that walking and talking is something that is dangerous to my corpus?  Hmmm!  I wonder…).

Why do these things only happen to me? If I am not walking into things, I am falling UP a flight of stairs, or running smack into people going in the opposite direction. I even managed to get my jeans pocket caught on the door coming out of the toilette stalls!

And speaking of toilettes, the opera is coming up this weekend! When I last took a good look at my colleagues, they were all looking rather fried! All any of us have on the brain is “Die!! Fledermaus!!!!“ I was on the metro going home some nights ago, and did not realize that I was humming one of the duets I am in (both parts) and got so carried away with it that I think the person next to me got up and went to sit somewhere else. I did not mean to scare him, but I cannot seem to find the off switch in my brain to shut the music off.

And speaking of off switches, I had a dream last night (during the period of time I was actually asleep) where we in the opera were all being chased and tormented by…SCHNITZELS!! They had just lost their schnitzel minds, and started chasing us, trying to eat us. We reported this to the faculty, who sternly told us that the show had to go on because people had bought tickets.  So we still had to sing. They told us that we were to do our best to ignore the crazy, dancing schnitzels, and avoid being eaten by them. I think the person who feared the worst in this dream was Adele. She was attacked by two schnitzels who were chomping on her skirt-tails and had to run like the dickance around the set to keep from being completely eaten by them.

So there you have it. I have walked into a door-pole, scared someone, and had a dream about being chased by breaded and fried meat. That just about sums it up, not dud’nit?

Moi

For the past fortnight, and for the next week coming up, my life has been, and will be all about Die Fledermaus! As you all know I am about to debut in the role of Eisenstein, who is the character smack in the centre of all the shenanigans!

So you can all guess where I am now. I am at school (which I am not required to be at for another hour) passing time until I can convince myself to warm up. I have got so much of this music going through my head that every time I hear a song on the radio that is in waltz (3/4) time, I start WALTZING! I almost had to catch myself while I was on the metro coming down here. I heard the Minute Waltz over someone’s transistor radio, and nearly got up and grabbed the nearest person to do the quadrille! Even when I am trying to sleep at night, I dream this opera! I had a nightmare a few nights ago, where I was in Rosalinde’s evening gown and mask, doing the Hungarian czardas, on POINT! Well, at least it is not as bad as the dreams I have had with me either naked on stage (from forgetting to wear clothes) or flitting around in a tu-tu and tights, butchering Swan Lake and sending the conductor straight into cardiac arrest!

We are all squeezing every ounce of energy we can muster out of our sleep and (in some people’s case) sanity deprived minds and bodies! We all have to come in and look like we are having fun. Our stage director reminded us that we were not singing Janacek’s “Jenufa” where every expression of joy is done under threat of constipation. So, I am now about to fortify myself with a triple shot of espresso, with the chocolate covered coffee beans, and a double fudge brownie to have along with it to give me a little assist!

NO ONE WILL DARE ACCUSE ME OF NOT HAVING ENOUGH ENERGY IN THIS OPERA!!!!

*BARITONE CHUCKLE*

Moi