Paul’s “G”odiva Spot

Here are se7en factoids I have learned about my time BACH in Winnipeg:

1. People here are still ver much cannibalistic…i.e. still trying to coax me into an oversized boiling cauldron!

2. I am a closetted Go-Kart junkie!

3. I have been referred to as chocolate cake more than once…and that is disturbing!

4. Watching paint dry is actually more fun than you’d think

5. I am still BUNDTLESS (thank Helga for that one!)

6. One can never be too young for a mid-life crisis

7. I must never sun-bathe and fall asleep at the same time, lest I be slathered with butter and herbs and find my hamhocks sizzling on a hot griddle somewhere! 

Moi

Last week, I had an interesting experience.  I got a message from home with a code attached to it.  The moment I saw that, I instantly began hearing the theme song from the hit show, “Amazing Race”!  The code was a locator # for a ticket which I was to fly to Toronto and pick up to find out where I was going…  Anyway, on Tuesday morning last week, I got up very early, went to the airport, flew to Toronto, and went to see where I was going.  Let’s just say, it was somewhere I did NOT expect, and you are all going to have to guess where it was by asking in the comment section, because I am not going to kiss and tell!

Needless to say, I had a great time, and I did NOT go to Jamaica, just in case you are wondering. I know some of you were guessing that.  And now I am BACH!  I was supposed to leave for Toronto this Tuesday (tomorrow), but, I have gotten an extension on my ticket, and can now spend one more week here in Winnipeg!  So now, I feel like an extra length of fuse has been added to the bomb, and I must now whisk about desperately as I slowly get myself ready to return.  Also, because I lost the bulk of my week last week, I will use this time to recover it.

Oh yes!  The one good thing about where I went is that no one there wanted to eat me!  Maybe I should just move there!!!  So in this my final week (for now), *GASP* I want attention!  So, give me some attending to.  Oh yes!  In the moments I was asleep last night, I had a strange dream that I ate a sandwich that had GREEN CHEESE in it!!!  Do not worry…I don’t know either!

Moi

We had this weekend our annual FMCF retreat, held in the backyard of our beloved KLITTERMANN family home!!!  Cleopas and Jeanette are now married, and as one of the groomsmen, I must say that it was a FAB wedding!  Let me tell you about it…AGAIN:

We arrived at the church in good time to see Cleopas, zwiddling desperately around, nervously chewing his rented tux collar and sleeves to shreds!  I wondered if he got any flavour out of them!  Who knows!  Anywho, he was looking rather calm…after I took him to the backrooms and made him moisturize!  Now, you may think that none of this happened, but in my mind, it did!  We waited in the back room, while Cleopas zwiddled about desperately, trying to fit himself into the the bowl of batter and whisks so that he can whisk himself down to the top centre of the church, with us sashee-ing in!  Then, the bride was ready with her ladies-in-waiting…to make their entrances.  First, Penelope comes in on a self-propelled bowl, whisking away down the aisle.  I sashee on over to meet her and she, splatters batter all over th church, grins desperately as I put her in place, and set her whisks on ‘churn’!  This process is repeated four more times with the other bridesmaids.  Then, when Janet, the maid of honour whisks in, her blade is different!  She is the only one who manages to whisk in without splattering the guests!!  Douglas sashees over to meet her and also sets her on a slow ‘churn’  Then, the piece de resistance…Jeanette, makes her entrance.  She opted out of the whisking bowl, and decided to be suspended from terra firma, her little parsnips beating furiously beneath her.  Though she will not admit this, she was wearing the Princess Leah buns underneath that veil!!!!  It was a beautiful ceremony, batter spattering everywhere, as the bridesmaids and Cleopas were churning away, their batter slowly turning into BUTTER!!  Rita of course began crying because it was so beautiful to see all the guests looking more like globs of batter!

At the sound of “man and wife” all whisking stopped!!!!  Cleopas grabs Jeanette and plants a kiss on her that made everyone’s toes curl up! Then, she pulled out a trout, and slapped him senseless with glee, so that when he exited the building, he was so seemingly drunk with glee, he did not know what hit him!!!

It has been a fortnight and a day since their union, and we saw them both yesterday and today at our annual retreat.  Now they usually are the ones who plan this event, but this year, I was the one at the helm!  This retreat is too important to me and to all of us that we just HAD to make sure we had one this year!!  First, I flitted desperately into superstore to load up with groceries and goodies, packed them in the car, and headed off to Steinbach…well, Blumenort!  Close enough!!!  That night, I visited with the Klittermanns and got to help set the tents up.  Once they were up, I knew that yes!  This was definitely going to happen!!!

Friday, and we all gather!  Seeing us all once again sitting in the living room almost made me lose my milk!!!  First, Melvin comes, and then Yola, with her friend, Ru-peter, Krystel, and Raqueal!  Penelope could not join us, but sent her cauldron up and gave us food and a recipe, and I went over to the firepit and cooked us up some Guiso, a Paraguayan form of beef and noodle stew!  It was DEE-LISH!!!  And we fell to all heartily as our trenchers were set before us!!!

We then sat by the fires, and sang and ate s’mores!  Then, we went stargazing, and singing all sorts of terrible songs!  We all went to bed, happy and tired!

Saturday morning came with a bang!  I was up at my usually crazy hour, and was taking time to have my devotions as I was preparing to speak to the group.  Krystel blessed us with breakfast and I helped her put it together.  We ate scrambled eggs, bacon, toast, juice, sausage, and fruit!  After that. we met for our time of devotions.  I spoke on the importance of putting God first in every aspect of our lives!  Then we had a time of fellowshipping and talking to each other. Then, Cleopas and Jeanette show up, surprising us, and slapping each other with fishes!

We then, after lunch, had a treasure hunt, which my team lost at, but everyone got a prize at the end…CAKE!!!!  Then, I went into the kitchen to prepare dinner.   I made a mild jerk chicken on the grill, and home-made maccaroni and cheese, with salad.  We all ate until we were full and happy, patting our respective bumps and bulges!  Then, it was MOVIE NIGHT!!! We watched two movies, and had the time of our lives!!! Oh yes!  They tried to trick me by playing “Cool Runnings” but I got up and threatened to buoycott!!!  THAT was not nice!  You all know how much I DESPISE that movie!!!!  Yeah!  I love that movie as much as liver cooked in a microwave!  *GACK!* 

Today was bitter-sweet for me as it was our final day.  We ate brunch, which was chocolate chip pancakes, bacon, Ukrainian sausage, berries and freshly whipped cream.  By this time, Cleopas and Jeanette came BACH, again with more fishes, and they brought my friend Grover with them.  I am glad he came and spent the day with us.  I really wanted him to come because I wanted him to experience the love of Christ through us, to the best of our ability, and I do pray that he did.  After brunch, I spoke again on the subject, “Who is my neighbour?”  We talked about it, and then prayed together!  Then came the boil of my existence!  The WATERFLIGHT!!!!  I cannot believe that they locked me out again!!!!  I gave in, and planted myself on the ground as one by one, they came and soaked me with ice-cold water!!!!  It was painful, but I was able to exact some revenge from the abuse I had to put up with last year.  We were at it for two hours!!!! 

Then, our final dinner.  It felt to me like the last supper!  I leave to go back to Toronto soon, and I am going to miss everyone terribly and desperately…and this place, and all the love that comes to me from everyone.  The only thing sadly missing was Simon!  Simon, we love you and it was not the same without you!!!

So now, I am BACH in Winnipeg!  As my time winds to a close, know that I have had a splendid time, and I will miss you once I am gone!  I love you all!

Moi

It has been a while since I have updated this thing!  I am sorry.  So much has happened since NUOVA, that I have been in a whirlwind of activity.  So I guess you could say that I took Mrs. M.W.’s advice to fill my life with constipation so that I do not have time to miss the schedules at NUOVA!  RIIIGHT!!!

Anywho, I have learned a lot about myself in those intense six weeks.  I have come up with new recipes for meals, learned how to thoroughly be a mother (sans bosoms), and to cry and sing at the same time!!!  I remember in performance week, when we all began the marathon of make-up, and singing, and whining…By this time, Casper has already left us to go back to Winnipeg…THE JERK!!!  I now had Jiminie to look after.  Oh the days of bursting into his room, as he slept, clinging for dear life to the pillows, and drooling at the same time, trying to coax him out of bed.  I tried EVERYTHING: singing, tap-dancing (or my reasonable facsimile thereof), juggling, shimmying, trilling, water-tossing, even luring him out with bacon…nothing worked!  I had to roll up my sleeves and HAUL him out of bed, with him squealing desperately, “NOOOOOOOO!” while clawing the ends of the bed, like a cat facing his ultimate fear…A BATH!!!  I even had a nightmare about Mrs. M. W. chasing me with a pitchfork unto the stage, and my not wanting to go because, instead of a set for Street Scene, I was told that they were revamping the whole concept of the set: Tenament Life in a FRYING PAN!!!  AAAAAAAAAAH!!!  Even in my dreams you are all trying to eat me!!!

Anywho, our billet, Mrs. B., is one of the kindest women I know.  She went above and beyond the call of duty and made us all feel so very much at home!!!  I miss her and I do hope I get to go stay with her again when next I am in Edmonton!  I simply LOVED using her kitchen!  I went nuts cooking, baking, and just feeding everything and anything with a pulse…even the two cats, Povey 2 and Chubbs.

Though I had a great time, I have to say that once I got on the flight to Winnipeg, I just could not wait to get there!

Moi

So it has finally happened! Cleopas and Jeanette have finally tied the knot, with duct tape no less and are now (literally) tied up, to each other, in desperate wedded bliss!!!

As per usual, and so that none of you feel left out, I shall endeavour to tell you, blow by blow the events and they happened (or as I remember them!):

I headed over to Cleopas’s in the morning. After arriving 30 minutes early, I alighted from the vehicle in which I was carried, and zwiddled desperately towards Cleopas, who was desperately zwiddling towards me!! We zwiddled around in a circle to see who could out-zwiddle the other, and I won! HAAH! What else did you expect? After zwiddling upstairs, also with Melvin and Seamus, who had also arrived, we, once by one began to pack the boy up, as it was his last day in his old place.

The church! We got to the church early enough to fuss about our clothes, and mill about, bumping into and knocking over everything…and to keep Cleopas from sweating like a horse. I made sure to get him some lotion for his hands, some lip balm, and some antacids in case he should all of a sudden come down with instant indigestion, or constipation! So to pass the time, we all grabbed hymnals and began singing and worshipping God in the back room. Then, it was time! Time to take our places. After a quick prayer, we took our spots, greeted out brides’ maids and places them in their spots, as we placed ourselves in ours. Then, Jeanette makes her entrance! With her father in hand, she whisked and thisked her way up the aisle, spraying pancake batter all over everything and everyone! Seeing that Cleopas refused to whisk up the aisle, Jeanette agreed to do it. So, she was left with the cleaning bill afterwards! Once at the altar, Jeanette was so overcome with glee that before she could say “I do”, she slapped Cleopas so hard with a fish (a salmos no less!), that he was out cold, with little birdies chirping around his head, along with little stars.

As soon as he came to, he was giggling in his patented high-pitched squeal, and said, “one order of tuna…to go!” in a slurred voice, before collapsing to the ground again, out cold! So the rest of the wedding went on without his being conscious! He woke up to discover that his picture had been taken by Leila, our photog expert several times over, and in all of these pictures, he looked conscious and awake. He woke up at his reception to the smell of meatballs coming from the plate in front of him.

It was a fun wedding really! And I am very happy (desperately so!) for these two: Mr. and Mrs. Klitterman!! Hey! That has a nice ring to it!!! I wish them God biggest and juiciest blessings, and may they continue to slap each other silly with fishes!!!

Moi

And with the downbeat of the baton tomorrow at 1:30PM will be the last hurrah for Street Scene by Weill, done at Opera Nuova.  Yes indeed, the six weeks are now up and are drawing desperately to a close!  

As I have said in previous entries, I have had some major vocal breakthroughs, but I have also made some personal discoveries about myself.  The most important one is, I have GOT to make some money off of this whole opera thingie!  I am so tired of being broke, and having to depend, and something has GOT to give somewhere!!! 

And now, to Nuova, I say a desperate fare thee well!!!!  The time has come for me to leave you…time to say goodbye!  Fare thee well auntie Kindra!!! Time to pack up the horns, brass bras and stack up those spears and shields for yet another year.  This is not my operatic farewell speach, as I am going to be terribly busy in the next few months, but to Nuova, the time is almost here!

So tomorrow, I shall go boldy into the theatre, sing the last few strains of Street Scene (for now at least) in make-up, costumes, and my ever trusty stash of chocolate in the dressing room, and come out in time to be ready to tear the set apart when done!  Then, finally, I shall stand back, and look at the city of Edmonton, and say, “fare thee well, Edmonton!!!”  Then shall I collapse unto a puddle on the floor and  weep oh mine eyes!!!  Like Sam, I too shall be heartbroken, and instead of crying, I shall be ‘diatribing’ on the floor, only to be swept up in the dusts by someone with a really big broom!

Adieu!  Addio!!  Goodbye!!!!  *gasp*

Moi